3 V's: Happy Anniversary

Monday, May 20, 2013

Happy Anniversary

Robert and I have been married for one year today. It's kind of hard to believe that just one year ago I was about to walk down the aisle and make a lifelong commitment to remain faithful and loving to Robert Clark Varner for as long as we both shall live. In some says it feels like we've been married forever. It's weird to think about life without Robert as my sidekick/me being his sidekick. I can't say that this first year has been easy. Before we were married I would always hear people say things like, "When we first got married I was so shocked to find out that ________ left his socks on the floor." Well, I guess Robert and I dated long enough that we knew that both of us always have and always will leave our socks on the floor. We both hate doing the dishes and would rather do just about any other chore. We both love spending time with friends but renew our energy with quiet time on our own. I can talk about my day for hours when I get home. Robert can sum up his day in about 2 minutes. We already knew that about each other. But when you think about those things they seem so unbelievably insignificant. Dirty socks on the floor - sure, they're annoying. Would it be nice if we both always put them in the dirty clothes basket the second we got home? Yes. But really - who cares? I guess that's something I've learned in this first year of marriage - to try and appreciate Robert for the person God has created him to be and to decipher when it's worth the battle and when I should just appreciate our differences and quirks. I'm not going to pretend like I'm perfect at this. After all, who hasn't had a meltdown about the way your spouse unloads the dishwasher? :)

Our pastor had a really fitting sermon at church yesterday. He's doing a six week series on marriage. I think this was week three. Anyway, he was talking about how we've started looking at marriage as the only way to be completely fulfilled and satisfied. (Think "you're the wind beneath my wings") When we think this way we will always always ALWAYS be dissatisfied and let down. Robert is absolutely wonderful. He is thoughtful, smart, funny, handsome, a good cook, and a hard worker. But Robert will never meet all of my needs, and I will never meet all of his needs. Leaving with that kind of pressure is way too much. If I look to Robert to meet all of my needs and he lets me down, what on earth am I supposed to do? Get angry at him, let him know he let me down, belittle him? That won't do. But if I'm finding satisfaction in God it doesn't matter if Robert forgets to tell me I'm beautiful 50 times a day. Although I will say he is a great encourager.

I have plenty more learning and growing up to do in the coming years of our marriage, but I guess my "advice" after one year would be to avoid having expectations that no human can meet. I hate the concept of never expecting anything so you're never let down. That has always seemed so depressing to me and seems like a bad outlook on life, but I think he has a bit of truth. Be a grace giver - a person who gives second and third and fiftieth chances. A person who is thankful when another person does something kind a thankful.

Now, let's reflect on some highlights from our first year as Mr. and Mrs.: