Thoughts after two months of marriage

Marriage isn't about being happy.  It's about becoming holy.  We read all about that in Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  You seriously have got to read this book.  Billy had us read it during our pre-marital counseling, but Robert and I both agree it's great no matter what stage you're in - dating, engaged, married, or single.  I think it's safe to say that Gary's focus for the book can easily be seen in everyday life.  Don't get me wrong, being married is definitely a blessing, but I think we do ourselves an injustice when we think that we will automatically be happy once we're married.  I don't know if you're like me, but so often I find myself thinking I'll be completely satisfied once I reach the next point.  At the end of high school I was thinking, "I can't wait to go to college."  At the start of college I was thinking, "I miss high school."  At the end of college I was thinking, "I can't wait to go to grad school."  You get the picture.  Relationships can be the same way.  "I can't wait until we're engaged."  A few months later, "Everything will be so much better once we're married."  Through all of this I'm trying to learn how to be satisfied in today.  Because once you've gotten married what are you supposed to say?  "Everything will be better once ______."  We have kids?  We have money?  Robert's out of school?  Those next steps are so far away.  And once you get to the next step and things aren't perfect you can't help but be majorly bummed out.

After two months of marriage I am by no means an expert, but really, who is?  We're constantly in new phases of life.  I'd wager to say that people who have been married 50+ years still experience challenges.  So it's safe to say I've done my fair share of learning these past two months.  I've learned much about marriage and life and God.

One thing in particular that God has made very clear to me is when arguing with your spouse there's really no use in trying to be right.  Stubbornness will get you nowhere.  It will only lead to you hurting your spouse which ultimately hurts you since you are one.  This is a toughy.  Having an educational background in communication I know how to convey my thoughts and feelings, and I believe I make a very convincing argument for my case, but I've got to let it go.  It isn't about "winning" an argument because that means Robert is "losing," and that's no good.  Why would I want to hurt my spouse just so I can win an argument?  It's insane.  My flesh shouts out in victory, but my heart is sad because I know I've hurt my spouse's spirit.  There's always room for growth.