School Days

The public school district started the new year today.  My mom was out the door before I woke up.  I had planned to wake up at 7:00, but that didn't happen.  I did wake up at 7:30 though which is pretty impressive.  Amanda (Jim's girlfriend) also went back to teaching today.  I know people say this every year, but the summer sure flew by.  Don't even get me started on the concept of time. haha
The freshmen moved into SBU today.  It made me reflect a bit.  Three years ago I was move into the dorm for the very first time.  I didn't know what my major would be, I wasn't dating Robert, I didn't know my roommate, and I had just left all my friends.  Let's look back on my very first dorm room:

Flowers from Mom for my 18th birthday

Sitting at my desk after buying my first and last lottery ticket to celebrate being 18

The outside of my dorm

My roommate, Lindsay, and me

Wow.  It seems like so much has happened since then.  Probably because so much HAS happened.  In just three years I've graduated college, completed 40% of a graduate degree, gotten engaged, been an RA for two years, traveled to El Salvador/Ireland/England, worked away from home for the summer, babysat countless hours, made many new friends, and learned multitudinous lessons.  Although it is pretty much never easy, life is good.

My thoughts from June 7, 2009

I need to learn to appreciate the time I have with people. Relationships really are one of the most important things. It is worth my time to invest in others' lives. It is never a waste of time.

I don't like confrontation.

I over-analyze most situations.

I miss my small group girls. God blessed me more than I realized when He gave me that amazing group of friends. I was able to voice my opinion and thoughts without being made fun of. Reading the Bible and learning new things from God was cool and exciting. It's important to have girl time...make some spaghetti, eat cookies, stay up late, watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, talk about boys, ask questions. Thank you for investing in my life, girls!

I absolutely love work! It is the most dependable thing in my life right now. I need stability.

This is my life, and I need to enjoy it.

Even when I think I'm too tired, that sleeping is a better use of time, that I could be doing homework, or laundry - Spending time in God's word, listening to Him, telling Him my thoughts - It's always worth it. I'm never disappointed I took some time out of my busy schedule to adore my Creator.

People will always complain about rules even if the rules aren't that annoying. Sure, I have to go upstairs each night to check in. If I could choose between sitting in my room or walking up the stairs I would choose sitting in my room checking facebook. But it takes 30 seconds. No big deal. I can handle it.

I don't like being vulnerable. I made the best friends in the world in high school and then they all left me. I don't want to replace them. It takes too much of an effort to go out there and make new, quality relationships. I don't want to have to say goodbye again. It's easier just to do my own thing. This isn't what God wants, though. He wants me to enjoy life and be about relationships.

KLife is one of the best things I have ever been a part of. I wish I would have started going years ago. I've been invested in, and now I'm able to invest in middle schoolers' lives. It's an amazing feeling.

I require lots of sleep.

There never seems to be enough time to do laundry.

I enjoy naps.

I like walking outside and enjoying God's creation.

I need to tell and show people that I love and appreciate them.

Some of my favorite quotes and verses:

I'm convinced being generous is a better way to live
I'm convinced forgiving people and not carrying around bitterness is a better way
to live
I'm convinced having compassion is a better way to live
I'm convinced pursuing peace in every situation is a better way to live
I'm convinced listening to wisdom of others is a better way to live
I'm convinced being honest with people is a better way to live
~Rob Bell~

Everybody thinks their opinion is the right one. If they didn't, they'd get a new one. ~Anne Lamott~

I want a humility that understands that I am not God. And there is more to know. ~Rob Bell~

You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
You belong with your love on your arm
You belong somewhere you feel free
~Tom Petty~

Questions bring freedom. ~Rob Bell~

Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin~

With God being so massive and awe-inspiring and full of truth, why is the Bible capable of so much confusion? ~Rob Bell~

When I carry my cross, burdens become blessings. ~Rodney Reeves~

Because God has spoken, and everything else is commentary. ~Rob Bell~

If death is the biggest thing I could fear and it takes me to God, what shall I fear? ~Rodney Reeves~

It's only awkward if you make it awkward. ~Leigha Hill~

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth! My friends, this can't go on. A spring doesn't gush fresh water one day and brackish the next, does it? Apple trees don't bear strawberries, do they? Raspberry bushes don't bear apples, do they? You're not going to dip into a polluted mud hole and get a cup of clear, cool water, are you? James 3:7-12

We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him! Romans 8:17

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Romans 5:3-4

So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it. 1 Peter 4:19

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil! Proverbs 3:5-7

For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can't you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them! Galatians 6:14-16

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! Ephesians 3:20

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought. Matthew 5:3-5

God has sent me on a mission.
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release something.
And that something is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him.
Let me comfort you.
For, dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in the places of your deep sorrow.
And I will robe your heart in thankful praise
in exchange for your resignation and despair.
Isaiah 61:1-3

To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do-to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst-is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed.
~The Sacred Journey~

Some of you think you're God's gift to the world. Well, I've got news for you...you're not. ~Anonymous high school choir teacher~

Freshman Year

I was looking through old documents on my computer this afternoon.  My freshman year of college I kept a journal of sorts in a Word document.  Since I'm in a rather reflective state, having just finished my last undergrad final, I decided I should post it here:

September 29, 2008

Recap of college thus far:

I was in the bathroom naked about to get in the shower. Suitemate randomly walked in.

Went next door to say hi to friend.  She was lying in bed with her boyfriend.  I asked how her day was and then left the room awkwardly.

My roommate makes her bed each night an hour before she goes to sleep.  Why?

It’s my job to sweep and clean the mirror in the bedroom and bathroom.  It’s my roommate's job to vacuum our rug.  She’s only done it once in the 5 and a half weeks we’ve been here.  Her hairballs are all over the floor.  A few have gotten stuck to my pants when I’ve sat down.  One of my suitemates cleans the toilet and sink fairly often.  However, I think the other suitemate has only cleaned the shower once.  It’s gross.

My Welcome Week group was a bit of a dud.  Most everyone is either a music major or a science major.  I’m the only undeclared.  I really like one of my leaders though, Kaylan.

I got my tragus pierced on Friday, September 12.  Tiffani went with me.  It really hurt.  It bled quite a bit.  Two weeks later it felt fine.  I’m excited to take it out for the first time.  I wonder how big the hole will really be. 

I’ve gone to body sculpting, killer abs, pilates, and box step.  I hope to continue doing that.  It’s a really good workout.

Jim left for Ireland.  I’m going with Mom and Dad December 19-January 1 to visit him.  I’m really excited.  We’re going to Ireland and England.

Lindsay’s shoes smell really bad.

I went to Arkansas with Kelsey and Jen to see Keegan, Elise, and Leigha.  It was very good.

I made it through my first round of tests just fine.

I think I want to get a BA in English.  I’m not sure though.  I hope I’m not choosing that as an easy way out.

I got to walk with Casey today.  I love talking to her.  She’s an excellent listener.

I miss my KLife small group.

It’s been really hard to make any genuine friends.  I don’t feel like it’s worth the effort.  I just want my real friends back.  Why did they leave me?

Janna got hired as the official secretary.  I think I like working with her.

Heather hates me.  It makes it really awkward to be her lab partner.

I got in trouble for spreading rumors and gossiping about staph infection.  It was dumb.

I’m helping with FBC middle school Connect on Wednesday nights.  

I’m also helping with middle school KLife on Thursday nights.  I go to the leaders’ meetings on Sunday nights.  It’s been good for me.  We’re reading through the gospels.

It’s really loud in the dorm at night until midnight.  I need to be getting more sleep than I am.

I’ve joined a Bible study on Wednesday nights.  3 junior girls and I meet at the Evans’ house with Ron, Suzie, and Rachel.  I’m starting to feel more comfortable.

I really want to go to Pennsylvania and see everybody.  I’ve been missing them a lot today.  I absolutely love the atmosphere there; the weather, the people, and the food.

I might get to go to El Salvador for three weeks in January.  I’m totally ecstatic.  I’ll be heartbroken if it doesn’t work out.

I wish I lived at home.

October 21, 2008

Lindsay is moving to Leslie.  I’m glad, but kinda feel like I’m defective.

I dissected a pig.

I’m always tired.

I hate headaches.

I miss my homies.

Leigha, Tyler, and Keegan are coming home tomorrow night!!!!

I took my parents for granted.

I appreciate Memaw and Pepaw caring for me more now.

We aren’t taking a trip to El Salvador.

Every day feels the same.

I absolutely despise getting wet, but I love listening to thunderstorms.

I miss living at home.  Never thought I would.

I might as well live in Leslie because it already feels like there is a wall in the middle of my dorm room.

Will every semester feel like this?  I certainly hope not.

I have a B in biology.  

November 11, 2008

I’ve learned even more that I can’t love someone without God’s help.  

I wonder what next semester will bring.

I am absolutely sick of people seeing me and asking how Jim is.  It’s like my life is nonexistent.

My idea of a friend has to change and must continue to evolve.

I’m thankful for Leslie.  She’s definitely helped me through these past few months.

I’m starting to feel more and more like my girls don’t have time for me.

I’m not shaving or cutting my fingernails this month.

Only 8 more days of class until Thanksgiving break.  Praise Jesus!

I went to the first Friday art walk with Jen, Rachel Evans, and Kelsey on Friday.  Then we spent the night in Kelsey’s dorm room in Woods at MSU.

I’m getting kind of sick of work.  I must stick it out!

I think my body has adjusted to not getting as much sleep.  It’s hard for me to sleep for 10 hours now.

November 30, 2008

Remember that one time during Sunday School that Dad talked about my friends and I tracing ourselves with chalk on Highway D at midnight during Thanksgiving break and then Daniel came up and asked about my “drunken midnight activities”?  Yep.  That’s my life.

Thanksgiving break was really good other than the fact that a friend was being insanely obnoxious.  Let’s see he said I look like a boy, couldn’t believe my favorite new kind of art I’ve learned about in class is rococo, said SBU’s classes are a joke, got mad about girl time, and said I ruined our game of sardines.  Yeah, he sure knows how to make me feel good about myself.  Other than that, it really was good.  The girls spent the night over here, we went to Black Friday at Wal-Mart, Silver Dollar City, and lots of hanging out was done.  I miss that so much!  It’s hard not to do anything fun at college.  But I don’t want to replace my friends from Bolivar because that is impossible.  Nobody compares.  I hate hearing about everyone else’s new friends.

It’s snowing today!  I love it.  Although, snow has lost a bit of its magic since it no longer means that school gets cancelled.

I’m gonna try and stay strong for the last 15 days of the semester.  I can and I will do it!  Only 11 more days of class and then 4 days of finals.  It’s nice to have Ireland to look forward to.

I think I’ll find out tomorrow what my rooming situation will be for next semester.  It would be the biggest blessing to get a room to myself.  You have no idea.  I really think that would change everything.  I’m still I bit scared to not have Tiffani next semester.

March 9, 2009

I sure haven’t written on here in a long time.

Fall semester ended ok.  I ended up with a B in biology and fine arts which was kinda frustrating.

I took intro to computing during Jan Term.  It was pretty boring but I’m glad I took it.

Spring semester has gotten off to a good start.  I got a new roommate.  Her name is Pearl Karamitros.  She doesn’t snore, doesn’t make her bed, takes showers, and studies.  It’s wonderful!

My suitemate, Michelle, doesn’t have a roommate this semester because Kat decided to move off campus at the last second.

Classes are pretty good.  I’m only taking 15 hours compared to last semester’s 16 hours.  However, I find myself studying more.  New Testament with Dr. Frost has been difficult so far.  I got 70% on my first test even though I studied for it for about five hours.  I really hope my other tests go better.  I have human diversity with Mrs. Gamble.  It’s a relatively easy class although I got a high C on the first test.  I think it’s a little more difficult than I make it out to be.  Critical Thinking with Mr. Bachman is really boring.  Thankfully, it will be over in 3 more class periods.  I’m looking forward to having 2 hours less class time and less homework.  The Victorian Period with Dr. Tappmeyer is definitely my least favorite class.  There are only ten people in it.  We read really boring, old literature and then have to write opinion papers over it that are source supported.  Interpersonal Communication with Dr. Derryberry is one of my favorite classes.  I don’t like giving speeches and I usually miss a few points on them but he builds my confidence.  I enjoy Advanced Composition with Dr. Tappmeyer for the most part.  I like getting to write and not having tests.

I switched to working in central receiving at the physical plant.  I get a good amount of homework done.  I just don’t know if Robert thinks I do a good job or not.

It’s difficult to wake up for my 8:00 class on Tuesday and Thursday.  I haven’t been getting as much sleep this semester.

Ashton Jones stayed in my room for Bearcat Days.  Savannah Stepp, Ethan Dixon, Daniel Norman, and she are thinking about coming to SBU next fall.  

I led 8^th grade girls DNow with Leigha at FBC this weekend.  I was nervous at first.  We only had 3 students so I thought discussion might be lacking, but it was wonderful!  We stayed at Lou and Shelly Harris’ house.

I’m going to El Salvador in less than two weeks for spring break.  Tarah, Kelsey, Luke, Charli, Brett, Larry, Bing, and Sherrie Bayer are coming too.  We will be speaking at a college and then doing church stuff in Santa Elena and then San Salvador.  I was hoping to see Milton and Jose, but I don’t think it will be happening.

Kelsey and I went to MNU in Olathe, KS to visit Jen.  It was marvelous!

Kelsey and I also went to OBU in Arkadelphia, AR to visit Leigha.  We got to go over to the Sonheims’ house.

I’ve only stayed at home for one weekend so far.  I really need to break away from my parents.  I just don’t know how to.

I can’t believe this semester is almost half way over.  In a little over two months I will have finished my first year of college and will only have two more years left.

I applied to be an RA at Leslie or Woody.  I asked my RA, Lauren, to fill out a reference form for me.  She said she’ll have to skip some questions because she doesn’t think I’m mature or growing spiritually!!!

Elise is dating a boy named Andrew.  It’s weird.  

Luke still feels the need to point out the fact that he has more “friends” than I do.  Why?

I’m ready for warm weather to be here for good.  Too bad Dr. Frost won’t let me wear shorts on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday.

I hate eating at the cafeteria.

Jim will be home in about one month.  

I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing this summer.  Possibilities: Spend a month in PA by myself (Mom and Dad would be there for about one week of it), take Fitness and Wellness with Kelsey and Grant at SBU summer school, go on a road trip with friends to Georgia, work in Dad’s office, work in central receiving, sleep!

I think it's safe to say I've changed quite a bit over the past three years. :)