3 V's: 2013

Since we're a month and a half into 2014, it's time to reflect on 2013, right? 2013 was the year that nothing went right. It was a very difficult year for me. I'm still trying to figure out why I went through such a rough year, but I've been thinking a lot about something I ready recently: A lot of times we want to know the future - for God to tell us what will happen next year. We get frustrated that we don't know the unknown, but really this is God's way of protecting His children. Could you imagine when you were five if you knew that say your husband would die when you're 30, you would move across the country when you're 21, you would lose your job at 40, you would comfort a child with a terminal disease, you would go to grad school, you would pinch pennies, and you would get in a car wreck that totals your car? Now, I haven't had all of those things happen to me, but how overwhelming would it be to actually know the future? Man, thinking about that makes me glad that God only reveals one day at a time. Even the good things. If you knew in advance that you would have 2 beautiful children, meet the spouse of your dreams, have a fulfilling job, go on adventures, and have hundreds of great friends wouldn't you just wish your life away until you got to the point in your life where you got to enjoy and experience those things? When you are tempted to get frustrated about not knowing the future, just thank God for providing for you this day just like he promised he would, just like he always has, and just like he always will.

In 2013 we started to have the newlywed phase wear off. When 2013 started we had been married for 7 months and had been together for almost 3 years. We had gotten used to some of each other's strange habits: I don't like stacking the Tupperware just right, I can't sit still during movies, I hog the blankets. Robert likes to sit his dirty dishes next to the dishwasher without actually putting them in, he leaves guitar picks/money/wallets in his pockets and I always seem to wash them, and he tosses and turns all night. All of these things are things you have to get used to, but they aren't deal breakers. Isn't it fascinating how we think what we do is normal and find it difficult to understand why someone would do something any other way? So I'm not talking about those things. I'm talking about what do you do when your bank account is lower than it has ever been, your car needs some serious maintenance, you can't make it home for a big family event, you feel like you have a boring life, or you're just in a rut? Those are the things you don't think about when you say I do. I read a beautiful post by Ann over at A Holy Experience yesterday:

The real romantics are the boring ones — they let another heart bore a hole deep into theirs.
Day in and day out, we’ve lived the ordinary, boring love — our hearts boring into each others.You have been brave and let yourself love. Which means you’ve let your heart be busted and banged up and this has kept you tenderized and soft. I am sorry. I. am. sorry.What else would have kept us alive and real and from growing hard?
They didn’t tell us that at the beginning: The moment you let love into your heart, your heart starts breaking. The only way to stop your heart from breaking is to stop your heart from loving. You always get to choose: either a hard heart or a broken heart. A broken heart is always the abundant heart — all those many beautiful pieces only evidence of an abundant life.

She is such an eloquent writer. We also had a lot of fun together in 2013: trips to Missouri, Kansas, Virginia, DC, Alabama, Texas, and Colorado; many new friends; learning so much about each other.

2013 was also the year of lots and lots of jobs. Robert and I have made his schooling a very high priority. Because of this he chooses his school schedule first and then finds work that can work into that schedule. It seems like every semester he has a supervisor who talks about being super flexible but actually isn't. It was frustrating at times, but God provided even if it was a random window washing job for two weeks or twirling a sign outside for a week. People love to poke fun about that, and it hurts my feelings, but who wouldn't want to be married to a man who is willing to have an un-glamorous but honest job in order to provide for his family and pursue his dream? I also struggled with a job in which I drove two hours a day for my commute and listened to people berate me personally and the company I worked for for 40 hours a week. I pretty much came home every day, got in my pajamas, and sulked. I went out on a leap of faith and quit my job without having another one lined up. Shockingly enough, it wasn't all that scary because we knew this was the right thing to do. Now I have a job that I love. It's funny because when I graduated and you asked me what I hoped I would be doing for a career I can guarantee I wouldn't have said, "I hope I work for the leading beveled floor tape company in America." In fact, I didn't even know that beveled tape existed, but what makes this job so awesome has got to be the people I work with. These are people who crack me up, each lunch with me every day, actually know what's going on in my life, and even give me a ride to work when Robert needs our car (oh yeah, we only have 1 car which adds to the excitement in our lives). What a blessing!

2013 was the year my beloved Uncle Doug died. That Sunday in March was a very dark day. Robert had just gotten home from a weekend youth retreat, so when Dad called I just ignored it, but then he called a bit later. Shock. Devastation. Anger. Hopelessness. It was an awful day. All I would do was weep. Robert went and got the Vaughts to come over. Allie lost her daddy when she was my age. We cried together and felt pain together. Their 18 month old daughter, Jolie, just snuggled up to me. They brought us cookies. Robert bought me a puzzle to put together. Doug's life inspired me to genuinely care about people and make them know I am proud of them no matter what. At the time of his passing, I felt like I had a pretty loser of a job, but even at his funeral one of his co-workers came up to me and told me congratulations on my job and that Doug was so proud of me. How cool is it that this complete stranger knew about my promotion just because Doug couldn't help but brag on me? I think we need more of that in this world - focusing on the good and bragging on others any chance we get. We're too self-focused and can't be happy for good things that happen in other people's lives. Doug was also a dreamer. He dreamed of a life and world bigger than his own. He makes me want to dream and not settle. I am thankful beyond belief that I got to sing at the celebration of his cool, adventurous, inspirational life. I sang You Wouldn't Cry by Mandisa. I think that's what Doug would say: "I'm in heaven dancing with Jesus and the angels. Don't cry for me. I'm the one who is made whole. You're the one still stuck on earth. Can't wait to see ya!"