3/4

It's crazy to think that I'm almost finished with another semester of grad school.  Three terms down.  One term to go.  This is crazy to think about.  Just about six months ago I was calling my parents and begging them if I could quit.  They were in Pennsylvania for my first day (and first week, for that matter) of grad school.  I felt alone.  Robert helped as much as humanly possible, but I had to do so much of it on my own.  Nobody else could read my textbooks for me.  Nobody could write my papers for me.  It seemed like such a daunting task.  I think I called my parents every day while they were in Pennsylvania.  I would talk to them on my drive home each evening.  The conversation usually went something like this:
Me: "I hate this program!"
Parents: "I'm sure it's not that bad."
Me: "It is.  I'm going to just go to the admin building tomorrow and drop out."
Parents: "Can you please just wait to make a decision until we get back?"
Me: "No.  Forget it.  I'm almost home.  I'll talk to you later."

Every single day I'd have visions of marching up to the admin building and withdrawing.  It wouldn't be that bad.  I wouldn't feel like too much of a loser.  It's not like anyone would even notice I wasn't there anymore.  I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions.  It felt like such a lost cause, but then one night I talked to my brother.  He had gone through a similar experience when he made the transition from high school to college at a very prestigious college - Washington University in St. Louis.  It was a really difficult situation, and after one year he transferred to SBU, but he stuck it out for a whole year.  He talked about it being a real struggle.  He had some of the same feelings and thoughts I was experiencing, but then he talked about how good it felt to be able to say that he completed the school year and passed all of his classes.  He spent more time than ever reading the Word and praying to God.  I decided all I had to two was finish the first term which was only 19 days.  After that I would re-evaluate things.

Well, I started to do well.  I was getting papers and presentation scores back, and they all read "A."  I was so thrilled!  My hard work was paying off.  Sure, I studied from 6:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m., and I even studied while I ate.  I didn't shave - there wasn't time!  I left for school at 4:30 and came home at 9:00.  I studied until midnight.  Went to sleep and did it all over again.  This time in my life felt like forever.  Looking back it seems rather pathetic when I realize it was a mere 19 days - not even three weeks.  God used this time to help me realize that it's okay to ask others for help.  Believe it or not, the people who love me are actually delighted to help.  My parents, grandparents, and Robert have proofread countless papers, listened to me practice presentations, driven me to and from class on days when I needed to nap in the car, quizzed me for tests, listened to my struggles, cheered me on every step of the day, and celebrated my succeses with me.  I get a little choked up just thinking about it to be honest.  I knew these people loved me, but the sacrifices they have made in order to help me succeed are astounding.  I don't know what to say other than thank you.  It means more than words can express.

So as I enter finals week I'll study hard, think about past successes, and remind myself that God has been with me every minute of my life, and He'll continue to do the same no matter how well I do on a test and how loudly the class claps after I present.